boost

my passion for medicine grows every single day, not because i love the science or its technicalities, or how i'm getting better at diagnosing and managing patients; but for the impact that medicine as a whole continues to make in my life. it keeps my emotions going. it makes me feel... human. the people i meet daily come and go but i still tend to remember most, if not all of them. there are certainly the few who have left footprints in my heart - those who have inspired me and shaped me into the type of doctor i am becoming. interestingly enough, they are doctors, patients, nurses and even other members of staff (like receptionists) alike. even more interesting, there are 2 doctors, a couple of patients, 1 nurse and 2 receptionists at the one GP practice i am attached to at the moment who are well on my list. they are people whom i will remember way into the future and will always keep me in check on why i am in medicine in the first place, should anything bring me down. tomorrow is my last day at the practice - i have been met with heaps of gratitude and encouragement from everyone, and not just the usual, "thanks, you've been great, you're a good student, all the best in the future!" but words so incredibly kind and affirming that will be etched in my memory for a long time, all by different people.

so really, is it crazy that when one of my GP tutors (whom i will not see anymore as she is off tomorrow) shook my hand and thanked me, i actually teared? or does it just succinctly show, in one emotion, how overwhelmed i was by the amazing experience i've had in the past 4 weeks and the gratitude i have towards her and everyone else at the practice? never before had a placement, be it in hospital or community, have such an effect on me. i am ever grateful to be attached there and to have the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people and gain mountains of experience in medicine.

inspired

The more I’ve been exposed to General Practice and hospital work, the more I’m inclined towards going into GP in the future. Now don’t be so quick to judge – I know a lot of people have a disdain towards GP and I have to admit I had the same thoughts previously, but having done 5 GP placements now in 3 years, with 4 out of 5 placements being incredibly positive, I’ve developed a certain respect for GPs and fallen in love with what the career has to offer (and it is WAY more than money!).

My current GP in 5^th year is SO amazing that it’s the first time I’ve actually felt like a proper doctor. I’ve had my own consultations in previous GP placements before, but being in final year they’ve actually blocked out appointments for me as I am allowed to independently run my own consultations for the whole month. I manage patients and make my own decisions (with approval from whichever doctor is tutoring me that day of course), and the doctors actually take my opinions into account during lunchtime meetings and patient discussions! The other staff members are equally wonderful – they talk and joke with me like I’ve been there for ages. I’m being taken care of so well at the practice, like today when I had a migraine and they were all so concerned about me. The patients have done nothing but sing praises of me, complimenting my English (I know I should feel patronised, but I don’t because I don’t blame them!) and telling the doctors after that they actually enjoy my consultations and that I get along very well with them. The doctors themselves constantly encourage me by assuring me that I’m doing well and am on the right track, and telling me how they appreciate my efficiency in doing work (I think it all stems from my fast typing HAHA). I’ve never felt so confident in medicine before.

I bet by now you must be thinking, “Of course you feel confident, GP is so easy, just coughs and colds.” And while I hate to admit that I have seen my fair share of chest infections especially now that winter is well on its way, I’ve actually referred a patient for acute appendicitis, suspected an osteoporotic crush fracture, managed a patient with a severe asthma attack who just refused to go to hospital and seen a boy with Kawasaki’s disease and a young lady with carcinoid syndrome, among many other things. I feel like I’ve gained so much in just 2 weeks.

Although there are 5 doctors at this practice, I am mainly tutored by 2 of them, both whom I absolutely love – they’re both in their 50’s but they look like they’re in their early 40’s, seriously. They are so good with their patients and have impeccable medical knowledge, and you can clearly see that they enjoy their work and life in general. The male GP loves talking to me about music (he plays the piano and the cello, and I the piano and the violin) and sports (he knows that I swim and play tennis – so does he – and he always tells me about his tennis/table tennis tournaments!), while the lady GP and I mainly talk about travel, shopping and food. At 50 I think she looks amazing and I admire her outfits and handbags! Very cool. Hehe.

Now that I’m almost done with medical school I’ve been thinking about what I want out of medicine and what I want in life. I’m not sure if I’d want to slave myself in hospital as a medical reg (which is currently my top option) where I have to work long hours and have minimal time with family, but at the same time I do love general internal medicine and a lot of the cases you deal with in hospital are somewhat more... substantial? GP, on the other hand, is so much more relaxing and flexible, and the rapport and relationships with patients are so much more meaningful. And there’s no stress of actually BEING in hospital and running around like a mad dog answering to everyone. I think ultimately I want to have a nice life while I raise a family.

I don’t know. I guess I will have to wait and see whatever comes my way after foundation years! After all, whatever will be will be. If I were to be a physician I can definitely go back to Malaysia without worrying. If I were to be a GP, I think I'll pursue a special interest with it, like gynae or derm. What I need to do now, though, is to pass and graduate next year!

PS: Notice this whole entry has proper sentences – capital letters and all? Hahaha. That’s because I’ve typed it on MS Word! Looks strange doesn't it.