boost

my passion for medicine grows every single day, not because i love the science or its technicalities, or how i'm getting better at diagnosing and managing patients; but for the impact that medicine as a whole continues to make in my life. it keeps my emotions going. it makes me feel... human. the people i meet daily come and go but i still tend to remember most, if not all of them. there are certainly the few who have left footprints in my heart - those who have inspired me and shaped me into the type of doctor i am becoming. interestingly enough, they are doctors, patients, nurses and even other members of staff (like receptionists) alike. even more interesting, there are 2 doctors, a couple of patients, 1 nurse and 2 receptionists at the one GP practice i am attached to at the moment who are well on my list. they are people whom i will remember way into the future and will always keep me in check on why i am in medicine in the first place, should anything bring me down. tomorrow is my last day at the practice - i have been met with heaps of gratitude and encouragement from everyone, and not just the usual, "thanks, you've been great, you're a good student, all the best in the future!" but words so incredibly kind and affirming that will be etched in my memory for a long time, all by different people.

so really, is it crazy that when one of my GP tutors (whom i will not see anymore as she is off tomorrow) shook my hand and thanked me, i actually teared? or does it just succinctly show, in one emotion, how overwhelmed i was by the amazing experience i've had in the past 4 weeks and the gratitude i have towards her and everyone else at the practice? never before had a placement, be it in hospital or community, have such an effect on me. i am ever grateful to be attached there and to have the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people and gain mountains of experience in medicine.

dream on!

as years go by i realise the things that i want are becoming more out of grasp, especially since my parents have already dumped whatever's left of my education fund with me (which isn't a lot, really) and have since bade farewell to being my financial supporters.

yet my wishlist seems to be expanding with ridiculous desires - things that i can definitely live without but would absolutely LOVE to have. the burberry trench has been on this list for ages, and many a time i've come SO close to buying one - but because i actually have more discipline than anyone expects me to have, that thought is still on hold. i'm getting a UK driver's license real soon, which, of course, upon obtaining it, will entice me into getting myself a car (how i'm going to afford a car any time soon is a huge mystery). then i've been thinking about graduation next year and how i'd look super awesome in a pair of super sexy christian louboutin pumps. but does one honestly need those distinctive red-soled heels merely to go with a graduation gown and mortarboard? probably not, but i can imagine all the other events i can parade them to!

i can sort of feel in my bones that my beloved toshiba laptop is dying somewhat, and while i've been a loyal patron of the anti-apple fanclub for a long time (despite owning an ipod), i have recently found myself slowly converting into an apple fanatic ever since i laid hands on the ipad2 (which wasn't mine unfortunately). therefore new additions to my wishlist are the ipad, of course, and a macbook air once my current laptop decides it no longer wants to be of service. oh and when my phone contract ends, i want an iphone, hopefully by that time the iphone 5 will be out!

i've also been eyeing on an herve leger dress, well, just because. and maybe a new handbag? i don't know, a classic chanel or a bottega veneta or something. i'm not too particular. hah hah hah. when i start working i'll definitely want a flat screen and subscribe to cable television. i've done so well for many years resisting the temptation of subscribing to astro (while i was at taylor's and IMU), and virgin/sky tv here in the UK, so i think i very much deserve a prize once i start work!

other wants which are fortunately reasonable include a good coffee maker, an ice-cream maker, a deep fryer (just maybe, but imagine all the pisang goreng and curry puffs and fried chicken i can make with it!) and a brand new set of proper cookware and kitchen utensils!

and last but not least on my wishlist: perhaps that £180 meal (drinks and 15% service charge not included!) at the fat duck, brainchild of the one and only chef extraordinaire heston blumenthal. all i have to do now is to start saving some money and then designate a few days to spend on the phone trying to beat 30,000 others to get a reservation. yes the restaurant gets 30,000 phone calls a day. don't ask me. it is THAT good.

i know i've risked sounding like a materialistic bitch in this post, and as materialistic as my thoughts can be, i think i'm actually very good with my money! there is nothing wrong with dreaming after all, right? :p

pamper

(the point of this picture was supposed to be the bubbles in the tub but unfortunately they couldn't be captured against a white background :/)

i have a penchant for luxury bath products (crabtree & evelyn, l'occitane, the body shop...) and soaking myself in the tub, and although it is so rare to actually find time to enjoy my baths, i still make it a point to pamper myself once in awhile especially on days when i come back feeling SO frustrated and pissed off. i mean, why not? no prior appointments needed, i have the liberty of playing my own music in the background (putumayo/the gipsy kings/french cafe songs/norah jones on shuffle), and best of all, it costs me virtually nothing. i do indulge in spa treatments whenever i feel rich (which is very, VERY seldom), but at home, a relaxing bubble bath is my soul soother.

so when i find that i'm in dire need of self-indulgence, i will tell TR to empty his bladder and then bugger off or hold it in for an hour or so, draw up my bubble bath with my favourite bath salts/gel, dim the light, light up a candle, have my laptop and iTunes ready on the toilet seat (don't judge me, my toilet seat is anytime cleaner than your bed), immerse myself in the warm, soapy, scented water, and let my stresses and problems fade away. at least for awhile.

and i highly recommend it provided you don't share a bathtub with disgusting people. :)

what?

hehe pseudo-food blog my ass. so how many of you saw this coming? :P

my one-week easter break is coming to an end. :( barcelona was amazing and the forecast easter-week rain with thunderstorms did not happen! instead we were blessed with beautiful golden sunshine and temperatures way into the 20's. i dare not say the same for madrid - weather was wonderful, but the place and the people were not. but all in all it was a much needed and satisfactory break! and then came back to recaps of the royal wedding which was absolutely gorgeous in my opinion.

post-spain and royal wedding and now it's back to harsh reality and the hard facts of life: a tragedy in the family, a ridiculous audit report which data i can make no sense of, and 2 weeks to the progress test which i honestly don't have the time to revise for. how nice if one can be on holiday forever?

i will blog about the trip another time. but you know what, i've decided that barcelona is now my 2nd favourite city after sydney. :) yes it has bumped paris to 3rd place, but i'm sure it'd be a different story if i had gone to paris with a lot of money in my pocket. :p

just for fun. sweeleen's top 10 favourite cities (not including kuala lumpur and manchester - because i wouldn't know where to rank them :p):

1. sydney

2. barcelona

3. paris

4. london

5. rome

6. hong kong

7. shanghai

8. bangkok

9. venice

10. singapore? melbourne? beijing? can't decide. hahaha.

and yup, sydney still #1!

filler

omg it's the end of march! hahaha, the purpose of this post is really to have March 2011 appear under my archives. (---->)

:p

so it's OSCE-time once again. i want to say i'm stressed out, but i've been sleeping way too much the past few days and that really isn't consistent with being stressed. somehow i strangely feel at peace. there is still a lot to revise and one week isn't quite enough to get everything on my checklist ticked off (plus this week is jam-packed with revision sessions in hospital) but hey, come what may.

i had such a good semester and the blocks were simply amazing. Preston taught us psychiatry, orthopaedics and rheumatology so well, we really have to give it to them. i cannot say the same for neurology considering the doctors were always too busy and the block was quite poorly organised, but when teaching sessions did happen, they were very good. so really, if i were to do badly in the exams, i only have myself to blame. hmm ok now i am slightly stressed. haha.

4th year just flew pass too quickly. i constantly have to remind myself that i'm no longer in 3rd year, let alone realise that i've actually completed my 4th year modules and after these exams i only have an SSC and a gastro project to do before going home again for the summer. and then the real nightmare starts - final year. but i shall worry about that later.

i want next week to end and then i can say bring on spring! there are so many exciting things lined up for me, like spain during easter break and a very rare exam-free birthday. also probably short travels during weekends and definitely lots of meet-ups! the weather has been nice and i can already smell flowers in bloom.

but first, this hurdle to jump over - (hopefully) my second last exams in medical school. good luck, me!

chilling (literally)

back from venice!

but more on that another day, when i'm bothered.

i am done with paediatrics and o&g. thank. the. lord. i mean, i really enjoyed o&g while it lasted, and for awhile there i did consider going into the field in the future. but i have since changed my mind as i got tired of it towards the end. really, if you are sick of something after only 6 weeks, you shouldn't be doing it for life. :p (actually i realised that i only like the gynae part - i really wouldn't mind doing gynae oncology or something - but no obstetrics please)

so i guess it's back to internal medicine for me. :)

the OSCEs were... weird. they were do-able to be honest, but some of the questions just totally put me off. i was actually aiming high but now i think i have to settle for something average. oh wells, as long as i pass.

just started my 3rd SSC (student selected component) this week - doing an audit at the GP. just had to get it done and over with because we need to complete both a community SSC and an audit by the end of 4th year. i like it because i don't have a set schedule and i can go in whenever i want to. i don't like it because it's so dull and i have to travel quite a fair bit to the GP each day, and in this sort of weather, who wants to do anything, really. i'd very much prefer to lie under my duvet and snore away. besides, i really HATE walking (or rather, sliding) down that damn slope to catch the bus. i want to buy myself a sledge, but then it wouldn't be very useful to climb UP the slope, which is also a bloody chore.

sigh.

hurry up december 17th. i want to go home to sunny malaysia, provided the weather doesn't get too ridiculous and cause manchester airport to close like last year! i swear, i may just kill myself then.

disheartened

i've never really used the phrase "can't catch a break" before, because everything has always seemed to fall into place for me. sure i've experienced some minor blips here and there, but life has been kind and generally smooth-going.

this week, however, i really could NOT catch a break. nothing i did or said seemed to be on the right track. perhaps i've prematurely hit the burnt-out point for this academic year. really? already?! it's only october for heaven's sake.

sometimes i really hate medicine. sometimes it is the patients which make me hate medicine; sometimes it is the doctors - what they say, what they do. but it doesn't take me long before i am back on my feet, bad memories erased in a snap. because i tell myself how much i love what i'm doing (which is true most of the time) and how i can't imagine myself doing anything else. in fact it has been a VERY long time since i've actually sat down and wondered what the fuck i'm doing in this field. a long long time. i made a promise to myself never to ponder on such negativity anymore.

but today i came back home from hospital, worn out and extremely resentful that i have gotten myself into this. apparently all i needed were 2 people - a patient and a doctor, both on 2 separate occasions - to take me down and make me doubt myself. seriously, how incredibly stupid is this? why am i being overly sensitive? i am hardly this way, at least i never used to be. what is going on? and in the midst of obs and gynae, which i have been thoroughly enjoying?

i don't know. maybe i've been on a high for awhile that the most trivial of incidents and slightly harsh words brought me down to ground zero. or maybe it's almost that time of the month when my emotions are running wildly all over the place. yeah, i will blame it on the hormones. heh.

i must snap out of this. i must. i know what i'm doing. i constantly strive to be competent. i yearn and thirst for knowledge day after day. nobody can take me down; the only person who is able to do so... is myself. why am i sabotaging myself. why.

sigh. perhaps this is one of those stupid off days. i just hope that next week, things will be back to the way they were.

liverpool for the weekend. please let it be fun.

retro

so apparently i have turned into a very boring person, as evidently seen on this blog. sorry blog, you're still so pretty template-wise and i haven't been doing you much justice. honestly there really isn't much going on in my life lately. i'm now doing o&g which i absolutely LOVE, but that's about it. i will be back with interesting stories, i promise. sooner or later anyway. :)

my dear laptop died on me recently. some sort of a virus, so i had to reformat it. but i am thankful for the existence of external hard disk drives. i've been looking through the many old photos stored in mine. they never fail to put a smile on my face, really. my adobe photoshop was unfortunately wiped out as well and i've yet to get it re-installed, but then i found a random free online programme which can make old photo effects without all that complicated photoshop stuff (which i actually do miss). here are some of my favourites:

sydney, with mummy :) god i miss sydney. and my mummmyyy.

my darling coco. has it been 2 years since she left? time really flies. i still think about her every single day.

my 2 crazy dogs. they are really quite crazy. hahahaha. one is perpetually angry and one is too happy for her own good. can't wait to see them in december!! :)

hahahaha. crazyyy pei!

michelle's birthday 2007, exactly 3 years and 2 days ago

7atenine, 2007 :)

my high school besties, 2009

with massywassy, in scrubs, in a bar, march 2010

sweeleen in london, easter 2010

tr and i, all the way back in 2005

teeheeeee. at our new flat, few days ago. we're old :(

yup. that's about as interesting as my life goes. check back again next month, hopefully i'll have something current to blog about.

paeds

so comes the end of my 6-week paediatrics block. i have to say, it has really opened my mind about paediatrics. i went into it thinking "there is no way i am going to go into this specialty". i'm finishing it thinking exactly the same, but for very different reasons than before.

i like paediatrics. i didn't think i would, but i do. it's not nice seeing ill children - i'd very much prefer them well and annoying, thank you - but it's so rewarding and exciting every single day as you deal with an entirely different spectrum of disorders than what you usually see in adult medicine (minus the usual chest infections and asthma).

however paediatrics really isn't just about medicine. there's a whole other part of it, and it is this which totally puts me off from being a paediatrician: the social aspect. i recently learned that in the UK, 1-2 children die PER WEEK from NAI (non-accidental injury). this is a really alarming statistic, coming from a country which takes children's welfare seriously as compared to many other countries with very laxed laws on child abuse. NAI should always be considered in a child with physical injuries or a suspicious lack of emotional/social skills. then there's sexual abuse which all paediatricians fear to come across as it puts them in very complicated and difficult situations.

on my on-call week there were 4 cases on the ward with suspected NAI, all with various presentations. i spoke to a paediatrics registrar about his thoughts on dealing with NAI. he told me that it is the one thing which paediatricians hate to have to deal with, because it is indeed ridiculously difficult. if you miss an NAI in a child and the child dies, you are in trouble. but if you wrongly suspect a case of NAI and the child is taken away from his/her parents, you will very well get sued. the thing is it's not like getting sued for malpractice, it's being punished for good intentions but with very poor judgment.

i know it might be silly to completely disregard paediatrics as one of my specialty choices because of this, but child abuse is something paediatricians must always have at the back of their heads, and i really, really don't want to have to deal with it. another thing that puts me off is having to answer to children's parents all the time. sure, most of them are nice and compliant, but there are some who are incredibly fussy and you can't really blame them because it's their children after all, but sometimes you can't help but think, shut up and let me treat your child! just the other day on the ward, a senior house officer was inserting a cannula into a toddler when quite a large amount of blood spilled on the floor. the worst part was, not only did he have to deal with the child's parents, the child's GRANDPARENTS were there as well, and they were all clearly upset. in the end the SHO had to sit them down to apologise and give his explanations, which took up quite a lot of his time (it was a very busy evening and he had many other patients to tend to).

oh and also, i don't like neonatology - which i'm aware that all budding paediatricians have to go through somehow.

it's been a very good 6 weeks indeed, but i am feeling very jaded coming to the end of it - though i feel like i've been in an alternative medical universe the whole time doing paeds and it has been somewhat refreshing. i've learned that i do actually like children and that children like me, but it has also enabled me to add another specialty to my list of what i don't want to do (a list which includes chest medicine, surgery of any form, psychiatry, oncology, geriatrics and radiology). i've gained a lot just from these 6 weeks and while a lot of people feel 6 weeks of paeds is not enough, which is quite true - it's SO wide a specialty after all - i am ready to move on to something i have a strong feeling i would very much enjoy: obs and gynae.

and i absolutely cannot wait.

almost

hello. i've been back in malaysia tanah airku for 2 1/2 weeks now. i can't say this often enough: nothing beats home - the food, the comfort, the family, the friends, the dogs, the TV, all the free time...

ultimate bliss.

somehow even though i've had one hell of a year in the UK, it just feels as though i never left home.

i can't believe the year has passed by so quickly. i've had so many new experiences, made new friends and seen new places. i've learned and done much more than i could ever imagine, although i am pretty upset about how i ended 3rd year of medical school merely as an average student. there were many so-near-yet-so-far moments (like missing the Honours point by one miserable mark, and getting an Above Average for my SSC which i honestly deserved an Excellent for) that many a time made me feel like hitting my head with a piece of rock, because if i had just gone the extra inch (not even a mile), i would have at least completed my year on an impressive high.

that said, i suppose i should be counting my blessings and realise that although results are important, they are only what's written on paper. in the end, it is virtually impossible for me to graduate with an MBChB Honours* (because very few people do, and i am obviously not part of the creme de la creme huhuhu), so it really doesn't matter what my results are as long as i pass. it is the actual experience and knowledge that i've gained throughout the year that keep me in check that i am on the right track. i really don't want to just pass, i want to be competent at what i do. and after the year, i can be sure i am on my way.

i guess God has been kind to me. i just hope that 4th year will be just as good or even better.

* manchester medical school has an Honours programme in which we need to collect 7 Honours points (one point must be collected in the 5th year finals) to graduate with Honours. it doesn't actually matter because in medicine you either graduate or you don't, but you have to admit having an Honours next to your name does look pretty good! plus it does spice up your CV. i obviously won't graduate with Honours but it's nice to collect as many Honours points as i can for self-satisfaction!

depth

it's been a while since i've written anything of substance. it's funny how my command of the english language has deteriorated just like that. it's not that i have nothing to write about - there are thoughts and ideas endlessly racing through my head. i just find it incredibly tough to translate them into words. my big problem is that i haven't been seriously reading. in fact the last time i read a proper book was last year, right before i came to the uk. and i wouldn't even consider it proper proper. it was the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. a good book, yes, but simple. and right before that while on my long holidays, i was reading terry pratchett, and, as difficult as it was, wuthering heights. those were the last non-medical books i had in hand. how sad is that? i used to read so much. my thoughts used to flow into (relatively) beautiful sentences without a struggle. now i can't even find the proper words when i write reflective pieces for my medical portfolio. and it's not like i have trouble reflecting. i always have exact ideas on what to write about. i just cannot find the words. all of a sudden i find it so difficult to be eloquent and expressive.

the holidays are almost here. i MUST start reading again. it's high time i stop sounding like an 8-year-old.

23.

i turned a year older without a fuss. a flood of wishes through text messages and on facebook (even my mother wished me on facebook and i got REALLY upset), a few cards, a couple of gifts and absolutely no celebrations. but really, i wouldn't have had it any other way. i am a year wiser and a year richer in experience, opportunities and friends. what more could i ask for. that said, i am not exactly thrilled to have turned 23. it just brings me closer to being 30 and in my personal twisted dictionary, that is the exact definition of old. i know. i'm harsh.

so many things to do, so little time. i need to buck up and start being an achiever.

optimism

hello my lovelies. it's been awhile. my life hasn't been particularly interesting, hence the lack of posts. in fact it's been all about medicine, medicine, medicine, a crazy scrubs pubcrawl all around manchester somewhere in between (which was ultimately fun by the way), and more medicine. gosh i love what i'm doing (respiratory - not so much, but medicine in general - YES!). i really cannot imagine doing anything else. i do hope i will end 3rd year on a high note.

spring break has just begun. one week is short, but it will be amazing i know! hello london, i'm coming back to you. :)

have a fun-filled easter, everybody ;)

familiarity-

the good, the bad and the ugly.

the good: ease, comfort, support, peace.

the bad: over-dependence, lukewarmth, timidity, slight annoyance.

the ugly: extreme annoyance, bordering hatred, hostility.

-----

people of our age group should really learn to grow up. no more being babied, no more allowing to be babied, no more clinging onto others. stand for our own rights, make our own decisions. have our feet firm on the ground, have our own minds. talk less, whine less, cry less, think more. act maturely, just as we should.

thing is, not everyone can wants to be at your beck and call 24/7. not everyone can wants to treat you like a prince/princess and spoonfeed you. and keep checking on you and making sure you are ok. people have different priorities set and sometimes you should realise that you are probably not that important, if at all. hey, i'm just saying. c'est la vie. ;) people have their own things to do, friends to meet, relationships to handle. in a nutshell, we have our own lives to live. wise advice: go get your own. our worlds are different oysters. :)

to put it simply: get off me.

-----

my life for the past month has been good. in fact, i'm surprised it has actually been good the whole time. it's true that how our lives are made is how we choose to live them. there are many things which i don't like about this place, but there are also many things which make me happy. and i only choose to embrace the happy things. sure, i get frustrated a lot of times, but i get over and move on.

in the past month, i went to dundee and edinburgh, completed my dermatology ssc (though i think i kinda screwed up my report - but it's ok, i just want a "satisfactory". he'd BETTER give me a satisfactory!), got my progress test results (better than expected, but as always, there's of course a lot of room for improvement), pseudo-celebrated chinese new year with adrian and amrita who came from ireland and glasgow respectively, sat for an OSCE yesterday (i've a feeling i failed 1 or 2 stations huhuhuhu but it's formative anyway so who cares?), and now i'm off for the rest of the week.

i also *finally* satisfied my cravings for korean and japanese food. how not to be happy?

this sunday i am off to blackburn for 4 months, accommodation provided. doing cardio, respi and haemato: the former 2 being my worst systems ever and the latter 1 being the most boring thing in the whole of medicine. i will be deprived of youtube, skype and video-streaming (but msn & facebook still ok - yay!), and away from the comforts of my own room and my double bed. but somehow, for a few very valid reasons, i am looking forward.

i think i am going to really enjoy it.

picture-filled posts coming up, i promise.

all i want for christmas...

a blender, a deep fryer and an ice-cream maker.

and someone kind enough to clean my disgusting oven.

rejoice

didn't sleep a wink last night. yes not a wink. fecking loud people. fecking thin walls.

got up early to go to church this morning, only to find that my kitchen counter was full of bread crumbs, the kitchen counter that i scrubbed so intensely yesterday.

took deep breaths, wet a cloth, and wiped the crumbs off.

decided to make taiwanese vegetarian instant noodle - because it always effectively feeds my soul on cold and miserable mornings like this. tore open the packet and SPLAT. noodles broken into pieces came flying out and landed all over kitchen counter and floor.

took deep breaths, wet the cloth again, and wiped the noodles off.

also used up a lot of energy to hold myself from screaming while at it.

then i decided that i wasn't going to go through the day being angry and frustrated.

so i savoured my breakfast, got dressed and put on my makeup to avoid looking like a zombie. walked a half an hour to church with an open heart as i enjoyed the fresh crisp morning air.

at church, i was as usual greeted by warm and friendly smiles. i felt at peace while thoroughly cherishing the worship and the sermon. simply amazing.

Philippians 4:8-9: Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

how appropriate.

after church today, for the very first time since coming here, i feel as though the Christian in me is alive again.

how your days are made is how you decide to live them. so as of today i am only going to think of happy things. or at least try to.

it is a good good day. :)

headaches

i've always been plagued with terrible headaches since i was small, even had an MRI done many years back which results came back normal, thank goodness. but i realised that lately my headaches have gotten worse in frequency and severity that i've wasted so many days away lying in bed not able to do anything. popping pill after pill of paracetamol doesn't work unless i have a 12-hour sleep to go with it. and 12 hours is a bloody long time to waste, mind you. i slept through the whole weekend with the worst headache i have ever had, and it could be a side effect of the swine flu vaccine i had taken last friday, i don't know, but it was SO bad i had to cry myself to sleep each time i woke up. and that was one weekend gone.

yesterday i had a class cancelled so i headed down to uni campus to settle some stuff and took the opportunity to go shopping! now i can gladly say i am fully equipped for the cold winter, leather gloves and puffer jacket and all. but as i was halfway walking down the high street my head suddenly felt as though it was going to explode. i couldn't concentrate on what i was doing or where i was going that I LEFT MY NEWLY BOUGHT COAT IN A SHOE SHOP!!!! as i was going to take the train back home, niha realised i wasn't holding on to my paper bag and asked me where it was. i screamed and rannnnnnnnnnnnnn back to the shop, and thankfully it was still there! what a fright. that's what my headaches do to me - they make me so unaware of everything. came back home in the evening, and slept till this morning. would have slept in more but i had to go for a simulation class (which was damn freaking cool by the way, i LOVED it), and now i'm back home typing this entry with a little residual headache still.

don't know what the heck is wrong with me. headaches are really annoying, one of those medically unexplained symptoms. sometimes i wonder if i'm going to die of a stroke. :P CHOI!

haha i know this is entry is like a primary school essay but whatever la, couldn't be bothered.

be gone you bloody headache.

btw i love band of skulls. check em out. awesome stuff. hope to catch them in manchester soon! (and at a VERY REASONABLE PRICE, too)

good morning preston

today is my first saturday in preston, having spent the last 5 weekends in manchester. i've got to say... i'm liking it so far. if i were in manchester today i'd be spending lots of money shopping and eating, and torturing my legs with all that walking. but i'm in preston today, and i woke up later than usual, fixed myself a nice and complete english breakfast, did my laundry, emptied my bowels, talked to friends... and it's only 11am! was supposed to head up to blackpool but there's a hari raya open house at 2pm. £30 for train ticket + entry into blackpool beach amusement park vs free lunch of malaysian food? wow, REALLY tough decision to make. :P

good riddance to the 3-week introductory course we had. next week onwards i can finally do what i came here to do: start using my brains and get my hands dirty! G.I. surgery! woohoo. we'll see how well Dr HA trained me in G.I. back in IMU. :P also liking the fact that there are 2 surgeons to 6 people in my group, on top of the SpR's and SHO's and FY1's and FY2's. so really there are more doctors than students.

i can never understand how assy some people can be to others they don't even know. but it's okay cos karma will come back and bite them in the ass. it's not like i believe in karma, but i know that one can never have too much pleasure in life. which is why i should not let anyone get to me. not worth the time and energy, really.

stupid people.

that aside, i'm quite enjoying it over here. i do miss home a lot, but i'm alright being here and there hasn't been a day when i woke up regretting anything. so i hope you're all doing equally well wherever you are!

cheers!

things i learned the past week

• Siobhan is pronounced as Sho-vahn. i kept thinking to myself what a funny name it was when i was reading the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. but there's a staff member in the hospital with the name Siobhan and they call her Sho-vahn.
• baby swans are called signets and not swanlings. =/
• the first KFC in the UK was opened in preston (who cares).
• the best KFC is still in malaysia.
• seagulls can swim.
• if you quote your own work but not put it as a reference when writing a report it is considered plagiarism.
• pork in britain stinks.
• dimsum in manchester is better than in ipoh.
• always take umbrella out even when weather is nice.
• i no longer like bathing.

go, going, gone

a very melancholic greeting from klia as i await to board my singapore-bound flight, a 2-hour transit and to manchester thereafter.

i left my home with my heart at the bottom of my feet. who knew saying goodbye to my dogs was just about the most difficult thing i had to do? sorry sorry sorry was all i said to them. because they don't understand why i have to leave them behind and they never will. and that is the worst part.

bidding farewell to my dad at the airport was harsh. i don't even want to think about mum leaving next sunday (she's here with me). but they are only a plane ride away and they can come whenever they want. AND they understand why i have to do this. so i don't feel that bad.

6 months back home and i don't regret one single day. i thank God for giving me the best time of my life, for letting me have a much needed rest and the chance to recharge my energy for the next phase of my life, for my wonderful family, dogs and friends, for the bonds that we've forged and for the temporarily broken bonds that were reconciled over the past months.

i also thank You for the opportunity to further my studies to where i've always wanted to study at (although right now i don't know why i so badly wanted to go over, but thank You anyway).

people say they're worried for me, that i will find it difficult to get back on track and start studying once more. i say why worry about me when you have wayyyyyyy more things to worry about. if i have to struggle for awhile, so be it. if i am able to give my now very rusty brain a fresh new coat of paint to ease myself into clinicals, all the better. this is my life and i choose how to live it.

i am generally happy. really.

just very sad to leave my comfort zone.

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some last minute memo for my lovely ipoh friends:

jiangmun: feel free to bring your brother to play with my doggies while i'm away. they'll really like that. i've already told my kakak, "kawan saya jiangmun yang ada buntut besar itu mungkin akan datang tengok si ginger dan si kiki. kalau dia ada datang tolong buka pintu!" :)

phuiwhye: thank you for teman-ing me the whole year. hehe looks like you're going to have to look for another movie buddy.

eli: my mum said whenever you're back for the weekends, call her to arrange playdates for potato and ginger!

pris: you'll be alright in seremban!

zhi: just saying hi to you and your 5 unborn children.

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and i will say hello again in approx. 18 hours.

goodnight malaysia.