flashback

2012 - what a year! possibly the most important year in my life yet. hit a couple of milestones, experienced life-changing events, started a brand new life, said some goodbyes... definitely a year to remember until the day i die (if i don't develop dementia).

the year started off with high levels of stress as i sat for my medical school finals, which i had subsequently passed as i'd "satisfied the Examiners"! 

and then it was byebye medical school, hello Malaysia for 3 amazing months! did my elective at my local hospital, went to the beach, crossed the south china sea and saw mount kinabalu for the very first time, met up with my favourite people, and discovered the awesomeness of gong cha. home is where the heart is and always will be.

hit the quarter-of-the-century mark. uh-oh.

back in the UK, pre-graduation. care-free, fun-filled period of my life. roadtrip with friends to the southern tip of england!

graduated! now a doctor. double uh-oh. 

did the whole scotland roadtrip thing with my parents who were in the UK for my graduation.

my best UK buddies moved up to glasgow. extremely sad but glasgow is now my second home in the UK thanks to them. just to clear up any confusion, they are not (and never will be) together. 

started the ever daunting job as a doctor at north manchester general hospital (shit place, don't go there). thank goodness for amazing colleagues - work would be extra shitty without them. 

received news from home that our dog Kiki had passed on. we got her as a puppy 13 and a half years ago. she had lived a comfortable life, had hardly any health problems, was showered with lots of love, constantly amused all of us with her weird behaviour, and was a good pet overall. i miss her loads and i still find it hard to accept the fact that she will never be there to greet me anymore when i arrive home from the airport. rest in peace, my baby.

and then, whaddaya know... it's christmas time again!

2012 - i'd re-live it all over again if i could. i wonder what 2013 has in store for me, but so far, so good! 

resurrection

it's been way too long, i know! today i suddenly decided to give my blog a visit and read through past entries, reminiscing the ups and downs in my life (mostly ups) and feeling oddly guilty that i've abandoned it for so long with such a negative post at the top.

anyways. i am now glad to announce that life and work (two separate things) have been treating me fairly well. i've left the torturous world of surgery to the completely laidback and somewhat bizarre world of psychiatry. and you know what. I LOVE IT! it's a good job where i am hardly stressed and i've got so many stories to share if you asked me in person (obvs not gonna type everything out here). needless to say i am kept amused and entertained daily.

life outside work has been pretty good as well. nothing particularly exciting to report, but i've been enjoying my days off on good food hunts around manchester and frequently going up to scotland on weekends to see my friends. and, best of all, i'm going back home for 2 weeks this saturday! how much better can life be?

also i just realised that it's now freaking 2013 and i've not done my blog justice by doing the whole "the year that was" thing that i do annually. something for the next post, perhaps.

until then!

it is 3:30pm on a sunday and i have wasted half the day dreading and worrying about going back to work tomorrow. why am i so affected by this job? i hate it to my very core. i wake up every morning chanting to myself, "be positive! be positive! it will be a good day!" but it almost always ends up to be a disaster. i think preferring to be on-call and on nights than on normal days says a lot about this job. chaotic morning ward rounds, running around the hospital like a headless chicken trying to sort this and that out, more ward rounds later in the day, being yelled at by consultants for no apparent reason, and getting no reward/appreciation at the end of it all. yes i've been told many times that i've been thrown into the deep end by starting with this particular job, and that i will come out of it a strong person and ready to face any challenge that comes my way in the future and blablabla, but i ask myself so many times, is it worth it? is it worth all the physical, mental and emotional distress i go through? i saw this coming when i pursued this career. i knew that there are sacrifices which i have to make and that there are times when i would just have to man up and get on with the job. trust me, it seems like i am sucking up every single day and i am getting pretty damn tired of it. i wonder daily whether i made the right choice going into medicine because as of now, i seriously don't care about this job. i don't. i want to quit and do something that is 9-5 (and by 9-5, it really means stepping foot into the workplace at 9 sharp and leaving at 5 sharp). i want to just sit in front of the computer and mindlessly type away. i want to do something where people's lives aren't in my hands and where there are no opportunities for seniors to yell at me. i want to do something where if i have to do a presentation i'd actually understand/care about what i'm presenting and not present stupid papers like "randomized clinical trial comparing simple drainage of anorectal abscess with and without fistula tract treatment". i don't care. i hate this job and i hate everything about surgery.

two more months and i will move on to another job and hopefully be rid of surgery FOREVER. my only worry is that it's not surgery that i hate but medicine as a whole. and by the looks of it, i think that's what it is. i think i hate medicine.

how now?