Psalm 139:7-12

my final osce's in salford on thursday and i've never felt so nervous for anything in my entire life. i don't know what this is - i've been through much worse i'm sure; but i've had such a fantastic year and i've learned as much as i could have, i really don't want to screw this up. i want to end this year on a high.

so i turned to Someone whom i've not turned to in a very long time. and i feel so guilty because it's as though i only turn to Him when i'm in distress. but He is always there no matter what and He truly comforts me like no one else does. today's Our Daily Bread article reminds us that there is help nearby from a Friend who is stronger than everybody else, a Friend whose hand we can hold when we are in need. just call out to Him, "Give me your hand!" and He will rush to our sides.

and like everyone has been telling me time and again: there is no way we could fail this exam unless we go into every station and do NOTHING! i've been doing my work and i have God leading the way. i have nothing to fear. so what is my problem?!

rejoice

didn't sleep a wink last night. yes not a wink. fecking loud people. fecking thin walls.

got up early to go to church this morning, only to find that my kitchen counter was full of bread crumbs, the kitchen counter that i scrubbed so intensely yesterday.

took deep breaths, wet a cloth, and wiped the crumbs off.

decided to make taiwanese vegetarian instant noodle - because it always effectively feeds my soul on cold and miserable mornings like this. tore open the packet and SPLAT. noodles broken into pieces came flying out and landed all over kitchen counter and floor.

took deep breaths, wet the cloth again, and wiped the noodles off.

also used up a lot of energy to hold myself from screaming while at it.

then i decided that i wasn't going to go through the day being angry and frustrated.

so i savoured my breakfast, got dressed and put on my makeup to avoid looking like a zombie. walked a half an hour to church with an open heart as i enjoyed the fresh crisp morning air.

at church, i was as usual greeted by warm and friendly smiles. i felt at peace while thoroughly cherishing the worship and the sermon. simply amazing.

Philippians 4:8-9: Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

how appropriate.

after church today, for the very first time since coming here, i feel as though the Christian in me is alive again.

how your days are made is how you decide to live them. so as of today i am only going to think of happy things. or at least try to.

it is a good good day. :)

weekend

i'm slowly gaining my social life back. thank goodness.

i love manchester at night. :)

was at pitcher and piano at deansgate locks for melody's 21st birthday. melody is my one and only friend over at hope hospital (one of the other hospitals under uni manchester. like mine is preston). met her on induction day in uni. she's schweeet.

and peihua was nice enough to accommodate me last night. hahaha. love her place. love herrrrrrr! and also her flatmate louisa who's a year older than me and is already an F1 doctor at the manchester royal infirmary. :/ how is that even possible.

pfft. but both of them are lovely. peihua i will come stay with you again and i promise i will not leave at 7am the next day.

yes i left at 7am this morning to catch the earliest train back to preston so i could make it for church. yes i am churchy. well actually i wanted to go to church this morning because i skipped church last sunday to have dimsum (and shopping thereafter) with edwina and huiling. and the sunday before i was in church for a free lunch. so i didn't want people to think that i was only there for the free lunch and that i wasn't planning to regularly attend church. ok i know that they wouldn't judge (cos they're church people) but i am overly conscious and really, i am quite insecure.

well and also, actually, i really love church here. i'm so glad to have found this church (although i have to walk an insane 30mins TO and FROM church - i'm sorry if you think 30mins is not a big deal but i only need to walk 30secs to the hospital each day, and that's the only walking i ever do over here). it's probably the only church in the whole of preston that gives me a sense of familiarity, since it's similar to the churches i'm used to back in msia. it has a big congregation, a good worship team, wonderful pastors, friendly people, free coffee and tea and biscuits... i'm at home!

---

pictures! it's been awhile. :)


last weekend: huiling's visit to manchester from dundee! and edwina came from notts again. because she loves me. and also cos she's very rich.



eh seriously.. wongwong @ chinatown's original pearl milk tea is THE BEST. always £2 well spent, for me!



last night: melody's 21st at pitcher and piano.



louisa, peihua, me. spot my cosmo.

peihua! the next time i stay at your place we will talk talk talk till 3am again ;)



this is my ghost, on oxford road.



ed and huiling said they prefer my outfits here, as in, in the cold. obviously they haven't seen me in preston, especially in the hospital - black, white or grey blouse with black formal pants and black Clarks shoes. and the same grey knitted sweater. OR if i'm lazy to think of what to wear, or feel like i dont wanna do much laundry that week, i'll just wear my ugly scrubs (which are grey as well), because i can send them off to the hospital laundry after. that's as fashionable as i can get in preston.


grumpy on the train back to preston this morning, sans makeup and still in pajamas underneath my coat. it was so damn early and so damn cold! had mcd bfast (McD, woohoo! i love you and always will!) alone while waiting for the bus after i got off the train. dropped my bag back home, and off to church i went. yes i went to church in pajamas.

and now... i need to sleep.

have a good week all of you. i'll be on gp posting for 2 weeks and i'm not looking forward.

God of This City (and This World)

The much-awaited Passion World Tour (ft. Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio!) came to KL yesterday. I am at a loss for words to describe the event. Let's just say it was the first time I actually felt a wholesome PASSION for the One and only. The great part about it is that my passion is still on fire right now and I don't think it will die down, ever. The event was a platform for me to express my love for Him and I genuinely know that I wasn't merely "music-high". It was real. 4000 University students came to hear His word and sing praises in His name. 4000. That is an astounding number. Truly amazing how our God can do wonders.

I'm so glad that Tracy, Michelle, Ho Wai, Eli and Jiang Mun (those whom I love very very much!) came! Kelvin! Ghi Waie! Huiling! Suisse! Amanda! They came too. =) And SO many other familiar faces.

I have a newfound love for Jesus... and it all started with the ECF Victory Weekend I attended last week. I am really glad I went because I now know 100% that my chains are gone and that I've been set free!

We owe so much to Him for his neverending grace that is FREELY given. How awesome is that? When we are so undeserving. Absolutely, beyond a doubt, undeserving. Yet He shows mercy and continues to shower us with His love and grace which we don't even have to EARN.

Sometimes when I reflect on all these and how blessed I am, I am reduced to tears. My life is too good to be true.

=)

Will blog more soon. I'm currently on rotations and this week I'm posted to the Orang Asli Hospital in Gombak so I'm pretty busy. Well not busy with WORK but busy sleeping when I come home each day. =P

Next week: BALIK KAMPUNG! Cannot wait cannot wait cannot wait.

Mother's Day

I was feeling utterly melancholic this morning when I wished my mum "Happy Mother's Day", simply because it's the 4th year in a row that I'm not home for this very occasion. Then I went to ECF church and am now very much uplifted after their Mother's Day service.

Ps Timothy cleverly came up with 10 jobs a mother juggles at once, saying that if she gets paid for each of those jobs, she should be earning about $150,000 a month. LOL.

1) Housekeeper
2) Teacher
3) Counselor
4) Day Care Worker
5) Cleaner
6) Driver
7) Facility Manager
8) CEO
9) Accountant
10) Cook

I don't know how many of you can identify your mothers with those listed above but I can say that out of the 10, my mum is all but #4 because she has her own real job during the day =P And yeah I'm already so big I don't need day care la.

I'm sure we all take our mothers for granted so often that we constantly need someone else to remind us of how much they have sacrificed for us. How sad is that? I mean, it's always during that ONE miserable day of the year, Mother's Day, that we take the time to reminisce the wonderful things our mothers have done for us, then the next day we go back to being our selfish, insensitive, oblivious selves and not realise that our mothers have possibly the toughest jobs in the world.

For instance, I can be very impatient with my mother. You don't know the number of times I've snapped at her. WAYYYYY too many. In my mind it seems as though she enjoys getting on my nerves for the fun of it but in fact she's just overly concerned about my well-being. See? I'm aware of it. I just can't help acting that way.

I need to quit being such an idiot towards my mother! I think all of us do! Therefore let's start reminding ourselves about all the honourable things our mothers have done for/shown towards us:

1) Their never-ending love.
No matter how difficult I can be, my mum handles me with utmost patience... like how she was willing to take a week off work to accompany me to Chinese school when I was in Std 1 because I just REFUSED to go. In the end she knew I couldn't go to that school so she put her foot down and told my dad and grandpa, who were so adamant about getting me into a Chinese school heaven knows why, that I had to switch to another school. Well she got her way, I got my way, I was happy and I turned out to be more than just fine =)

2) Their willingness to sacrifice.
... from all the small teeny-weeny lil things like giving me the best part of the chicken meat to sacrificing many nights of sleep to take care of me when I was hospitalised.

3) They always believe in us.
My mum has never discouraged me in anything unless it's something bad or irrational =P I think the fact that I'm here doing what I'm doing - still striving and surviving - says it all. I've had numerous breakdowns in college and medical school because sometimes I feel it's just impossible to move forward, but besides God, I find solace in my mother, NOT because she tells me things I want to hear, but because knowing that she believes in me strengthens me to successfully fight the struggles within myself.

4) Their incredible energy.
I don't get how mothers have so much energy to get through each day. They can do almost ANYTHING! I know my mother is a superwoman because she has never ever said she was tired when I needed her.

5) Passing on of FAITH to children.
The best gift to children is faith but unfortunately I can't experience this because my mother has little faith herself. I guess in in a way she did play a part in my having faith in God through of all the events that have happened... but I'm still praying hard for her.

2 Timothy 1:5 says, "... when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also."

Timothy's mother and grandmother, Eunice and Lois, were early Christian converts. They had communicated their strong Christian faith to Timothy, even though his father was probably not a believer. God doesn't want mothers to hide their light at home but to plant gospel seeds as families are fertile fields.

In my case, it's going to be the other way around! So please pray with me!

OK enough preaching for now. Here's a video which I think is absolutely hilarious because IT IS SO MY MOTHER! And I'm sure most of your mothers are like that too. Enjoy!

Things from the video that REALLY REALLY remind me of my mum:

1) Are you hot? Are you cold? Are you wearing that?!

2) Eat your breakfast, the experts tell us it's the most important meal of all! (this is why I never skip breakfast)

3) Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon! (she used to know my schedule better than i did)

4) Clean your room, fold your clothes, put your stuff away (she still says this each time I go home for the weekend/a holiday)

5) No texting at the table

6) But right now I thank you not to roll your eyes at me (LOL I'm still working on this)

7) If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump too? (except that she says, "If your friends eat shit you eat shit also ah?")

Entry With Most Labels =P

OKAY. I've abandoned my blog for quite some time now. Have been rather busy/lazy... or busy being lazy...

So many things have come and gone. This is possibly the most fun time of the year! Better enjoy it like no tomorrow before lecture notes start piling up again. And by the looks of it, that time is drawing near =(

Important updates:

The University of Nottingham, UK is now a partner medical school of IMU starting from my batch! I am so excited. I may consider the option depending on the fees (since it's 3 1/2 years instead of 3 - half a year for bridging, which means more money to be spent =/). I wanna go!

Ho Wai turned 22 on Wednesday! Had a "SURPRISE" thing at Vista B poolside the night before but it super tak jadi. Instead it was he who surprised us by showing up without warning. Bloody. So memalukan. But all was forgotten by Wednesday coz we celebrated his big day in style, indulged in some delicious Thai food (as generously treated by the birthday boy himself) ... topped off with (what else but) tonnes of camwhoring. Thankfully everyone turned up looking really good instead of looking like vegetables/supporters of a Go Green campaign. Party of the year? Probably. =)

Been attending batch CG sessions. I like.

Decided to start going to ECF (Edwina, Pei & Priscilla's church) from now onwards.

American Idol down to final 3! So exciting. David Cook will make David Archuleta bawl like a baby in the finals. Carly should have been in the Top 3! I angry.

Mother's Day is tomorrow and I won't be home. Again. But will be back next weekend coz we have Monday off. Can't wait.

I am actually enjoying Repro very much, PBLs aside.

More birthdays to come! INCLUDING A VERY SPECIAL PERSON'S. i.e. MINE. muaha.

Designed To Connect

Finally I find the time to blog about the CF Camp!


The camp was held at the Port Dickson Methodist Center

To be honest, I was really really REALLY dreading it. In fact I found it difficult to even make the decision to go. No reason why. I guess being the lazy me, I was more keen on wasting my weekend doing nothing than to devote it to God. Well in the end I went... and I came out of it wonderfully happy. I would have hated myself should I not have gone.



Part of M206!

So what did I get out of this camp? Many many things!!

Firstly it was the mixing-around with people from various batches and courses. I even got to know my own batchmates a little more. Of the 4 semesters I've been in IMU, I've not known a single Nursing student, and during camp I got to know 2 of them! Then my "mortal" (of the Angel & Mortal game) was a Pharmacy student... so... another friend to add to my circle =)




The camp sessions (i.e. sermons) were given by Sister Annette who's just an amazing speaker. She's so funny (and at times very lame but in a very funny way - I liked her "ballet" joke a lot for some reason), and I felt that she was very liberal in a sense that she was able to make everyone, both Christians and non-Christians, relate to the topics without touching too much on religion. I mean, there was just no way one could find fault in whatever she said. More details about her sessions can be found on our Bible Study blog, because Teong Rhen was patient enough to take down notes and transfer them to the blog. =P





Games were very good and well-planned. The ice-breaker game, Rendezvous, was really fun! But Ghi Waie and I had to cheat 'cause we were kiasu =( I admit to being a bit skeptical about the Virus game - I didn't think it would work out because it just seemed really complicated... but everything went smoothly and I'd say it was one of the best games I've ever played. It was the time I bonded most with my group members, sprained my right gluteal muscles (in other words, my right ASS), ran till I couldn't catch my breath (which just further proved that I am unfit)... it was the best time!




Edwina the VIRUS! SO SO SO SO CUTE OK.

Morning devotions were alright. I couldn't quite relate to both the topics but I guess I was glad to be able to share and listen to my group members as well as pray together.

I loved all worship sessions, especially the ones led by Wei Lin and Amanda Albert. But one of the most important take-home messages I got from this camp is to really understand and look into the lyrics of each song rather than to be superficially awed by the tunes. That really opened my eyes to what I've actually been doing - always feeling so connected to the song, not because I really bothered about what we were singing about, but because the tunes just gave this sense of emotion. I'd feel so high in spirit but when praise & worship is over, my spirit dies down and I'm back to square one, feeling nothing. It was good that Annette knocked some sense into our heads, telling us to know what we're really singing about instead of always being caught up in the moment.





I learnt so much from this camp. Dwelled on my personal issues even deeper. Connected with myself. Reminded about how to really connect with my family. Learnt to further connect with God. I also realized that we are all connected to one other whether we like it or not. On the last day after the final session... I went up to be prayed for, and the person who prayed for me was Daniel. In fact I was the first person he prayed for that morning. We didn't know each other at that time. When he looked at my name tag he sort of grinned a little. Then later I found out that he was my Angel. Hehe. Coincidence? I don't think so.


What is your Ebenezer?

Having said all that, you know what was the best thing for me? The most wonderful feeling I got from camp? It was actually to see God moving so quickly through IMU. There were many non-Christians who attended the camp for the same reason : they wanted to get to know Christ. Among them were some of my batchmates. At the altar call on Saturday night, I saw many familiar faces up there... and I felt my heart skip a beat. That was the best thing I got from camp.

=)

Pris! I loved the sharing wayyyyyyyyy after lights were out ;)


Swee Leen's face + Kwan's eyes!











=)

pics from Wei Lin, Sara, Kwan and Ailing

IMU CF Camp

was awesome! A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Wonderful time, amazing fellowship, inspiring sessions, exciting games. Couldn't ask for a better weekend retreat =)

But more on that another day (i.e. when more photos are up on Facebook =p). Right now it's time to catch up on some work.

pics courtesy of Wei Lin =)

edited (April 16th) :

Check out our Bible Study blog for notes from the camp sessions.

Shout To The Lord...

on Idol Gives Back.

Nice to see they chose to sing this song for the closing =) My favourite Christian song ever. Somehow, though, I still prefer Darlene Zschech's original version.

ANYWAY. No matter. MICHAEL JOHNS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. I am pissed. How come that blondie Kristy Lee Cook is still in? Fffffffffffffffff.

Off to CF Camp in a few hours. One of the things I should maybe pray for is for me to stop cursing. Oh well. We'll see.

Have a great weekend guys =)

OI MICHELLE YILIN HOWAI IF YOU GO SHOPPING PLEASE REMEMBER MY GOLD BANGLE OK.