here and gone

my days in blackburn are almost coming to an end. once again i have to say i cannot believe how quickly time actually whisks by - in less than 2 months i will be far away from the cold (it's spring and it is still cold and i hate it!), with my family and dogs and friends, lazing in my air-conditioned room watching ASTRO, indulging in all that glorious food i've missed so much the past year. but first i have two hurdles to jump over, well three if i count that 4-week SSC placement i've to do right before the holidays begin, in the form of a stupid progress test and my final 3rd year OSCE. bleurgh.

i have been so tired lately. ICU is draining the life out of me. i start at 8am daily to attend their boring handovers (and have to try to keep up with their ICU - not normal medical - jargons) and attempt to "act busy" the rest of the day when really, what is there for a medical student like me to do, when all the patients are intubated and attached to big ass machines? so i just tag along with the anaesthetists as they go around reviewing patient after patient, making big decisions as to whether it's time for a patient to be taken off life support (which so happened was the FIRST thing i witnessed on my FIRST day on ICU - what a mood killer!), wait for them to die and then certify their death, and then continue reviewing other patients. sometimes i get to watch them do cool things like tracheostomies, but other than that, i really despise being in ICU. i actually don't remember disliking a medical specialty so much before.

some days i get to escape that hole and follow the anaesthetists in theatre, which is anytime more interesting and less depressing. at least they let me manage airways and stuff! in fact the other day the anaesthetist i shadowed was doing a C-section list and i finally witnessed my first birth! so exciting and overwhelming (although i must say, newborns are really ugly - like baby smeagols). :) can't wait for O&G in 4th year.

and that's the thing about medicine isn't it. one minute you are witnessing the death of a person, the other minute you are welcoming the life of another. very emotional on two different ends of the spectrum, but you've to learn to control your emotions and not let them get in your way of doing your job. and i'm glad that on both occasions, i managed to hold back my tears.

well such is life. here and gone. for now, my life depends on my trusty OHCM. hoho. progress test on monday and i still feel like i don't know ANYTHING. :/

i really need to cut my hair and shape my eyebrows :/