disheartened

i've never really used the phrase "can't catch a break" before, because everything has always seemed to fall into place for me. sure i've experienced some minor blips here and there, but life has been kind and generally smooth-going.

this week, however, i really could NOT catch a break. nothing i did or said seemed to be on the right track. perhaps i've prematurely hit the burnt-out point for this academic year. really? already?! it's only october for heaven's sake.

sometimes i really hate medicine. sometimes it is the patients which make me hate medicine; sometimes it is the doctors - what they say, what they do. but it doesn't take me long before i am back on my feet, bad memories erased in a snap. because i tell myself how much i love what i'm doing (which is true most of the time) and how i can't imagine myself doing anything else. in fact it has been a VERY long time since i've actually sat down and wondered what the fuck i'm doing in this field. a long long time. i made a promise to myself never to ponder on such negativity anymore.

but today i came back home from hospital, worn out and extremely resentful that i have gotten myself into this. apparently all i needed were 2 people - a patient and a doctor, both on 2 separate occasions - to take me down and make me doubt myself. seriously, how incredibly stupid is this? why am i being overly sensitive? i am hardly this way, at least i never used to be. what is going on? and in the midst of obs and gynae, which i have been thoroughly enjoying?

i don't know. maybe i've been on a high for awhile that the most trivial of incidents and slightly harsh words brought me down to ground zero. or maybe it's almost that time of the month when my emotions are running wildly all over the place. yeah, i will blame it on the hormones. heh.

i must snap out of this. i must. i know what i'm doing. i constantly strive to be competent. i yearn and thirst for knowledge day after day. nobody can take me down; the only person who is able to do so... is myself. why am i sabotaging myself. why.

sigh. perhaps this is one of those stupid off days. i just hope that next week, things will be back to the way they were.

liverpool for the weekend. please let it be fun.

comfy

moved out of my old place into a new flat - no longer able to walk 5 mins across to the hospital but the place is conveniently 5 mins away by bus, and exactly halfway between the hospital and town. and it's quiet and isn't falling apart (unlike my old house!). also because it's just tr and i, i now have the liberty to cook/bake/use the oven as much as i want to, without getting into people's ways or feeling bad for using up too much electricity.

i like this place. it's peaceful. and my room is cosy. :)


pictures of my room taken with tr's android's vignette photo feature:






















you're all welcome to stay (with prior notice of course). especially you, michelle lim.

retro

so apparently i have turned into a very boring person, as evidently seen on this blog. sorry blog, you're still so pretty template-wise and i haven't been doing you much justice. honestly there really isn't much going on in my life lately. i'm now doing o&g which i absolutely LOVE, but that's about it. i will be back with interesting stories, i promise. sooner or later anyway. :)

my dear laptop died on me recently. some sort of a virus, so i had to reformat it. but i am thankful for the existence of external hard disk drives. i've been looking through the many old photos stored in mine. they never fail to put a smile on my face, really. my adobe photoshop was unfortunately wiped out as well and i've yet to get it re-installed, but then i found a random free online programme which can make old photo effects without all that complicated photoshop stuff (which i actually do miss). here are some of my favourites:

sydney, with mummy :) god i miss sydney. and my mummmyyy.

my darling coco. has it been 2 years since she left? time really flies. i still think about her every single day.

my 2 crazy dogs. they are really quite crazy. hahahaha. one is perpetually angry and one is too happy for her own good. can't wait to see them in december!! :)

hahahaha. crazyyy pei!

michelle's birthday 2007, exactly 3 years and 2 days ago

7atenine, 2007 :)

my high school besties, 2009

with massywassy, in scrubs, in a bar, march 2010

sweeleen in london, easter 2010

tr and i, all the way back in 2005

teeheeeee. at our new flat, few days ago. we're old :(

yup. that's about as interesting as my life goes. check back again next month, hopefully i'll have something current to blog about.