I read today's newspaper headline in utter disgust. Another innocent Malaysian is victimized by the draconian laws of the ISA. And for what? For doing her job as a journalist. For reporting actual details of a situation. For letting the truth out for all to know.

Ahmad Ismail's actions can never be justified. Every other day we boast to the world about "how racially harmonious and peaceful" our country is. "COME VISIT MALAYSIA!" we shout out loud. "A MELTING POT OF CULTURES WHERE ITS PEOPLE HOLD HANDS AND DANCE AROUND SINGING 'IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL'!"

Yet someone who made a racist remark like that could be let off so simply. What disturbs and sickens me is that by refusing to admit and apologize for his mistake, the very remark he made is actually what he believes in (who knows, his sentiments may possibly be echoed by many others as well) - that "Chinese are squatters and that as they are only immigrants it is impossible for them to achieve equal rights among races". Okay, so he has been suspended (not sacked) from UMNO for 3 years. What's the big deal. He can still go on with life as usual and is still allowed to roam the streets with all the money in the world to splash.

I am glad the MCA has expressed their shock over the arrest of Tan Hoon Cheng and not Ahmad Ismail (probably one of their few good deeds in many years), though expressing is one thing and doing something about it is another.

We are already in the 21st century. For decades we have lived together on the same land, breathing the same air. We go to the same schools and shopping malls. We work together. We stay in the same neighourhoods. Racism should never in a million years be tolerated. I am not angry because I am a Chinese and Ahmad Ismail has offended my race. If a Chinese were to degrade a Malay or an Indian it should not be taken lightly as well (though, trust me, if such a thing were to happen even our great-grandchildren will not hear the end of it.). I have Malay and Indian friends whom I like and care for, and I wouldn't be able to bear if such insults were to be thrown at them.

Sometimes I laugh at myself for having the desire to come back to Malaysia in the future. Many people would advise against that. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want my children to grow up to be idiots like more than half the population. I wouldn't want them to have a run-in with the law for something they didn't do. I wouldn't want them to be wrongfully detained under the ISA for having an opinion or for telling the truth. But this is my country and my heart is here, yet so many times I think the idea of coming home is undoubtedly absurd. How?

I feel so caged up. Even by writing this entry I have to be cautious with my choice of words and think twice before clicking on the "PUBLISH" button, because I'll never know who would stumble upon this and have ME arrested the very next hour. After all, the authorities are capable of such an inhumane act as we have seen time and time again. Freedom of words. Total BULL.

It is hard to say I love my country at the moment. There was a glimmer of hope after the March elections... but I am doubting everything right now. Whatever hope I had is dangling on a string. All I'm thankful for is that we are given the right to practice our own religion without being persecuted. But that is all. I don't know what else this country has given me or done for me.

How sad is that?

We're going backwards. Backwards backwards backwards. Soon we will see countries currently worse off, surpass us in every aspect. And then what else is there for us to boast about, huh?

BOILING POINT

The Nutcracker ballet at KLPAC last night was ULTIMATELY EXTREMELY ABSOLUTELY ABYSMAL I was on the verge of setting the whole place on fire. I don't even know where to start complaining. Oh I know, how about the fact that instead of using the original Tchaikovsky score they mixed their own awful songs to blast into our ears?! Seriously, I was gritting all 28 of my teeth (i have no mandibular third molars aka wisdom teeth - should i be concerned, by the way?) thanks to the sheer volume of the music GOODNESS ME it was so bad I almost went deaf. Then the ballet itself was SO BELOW PAR it was horrifying. OK la to be fair the principal dancer who played Clara was pretty good but that was it. I am not a ballerina or an expert in the art but since I am neither blind nor stupid, I know when pirouettes aren't done nicely or when the dancer doesn't completely execute her splits. Oh then what about the dances which the kids were involved in? Don't get me wrong, the kids were cute blablabla, but OHMYGOODNESS their dances were terrible. They just kept going in rounds and jumping up and down over and over again that I'd rather go watch a Malay concert I KID YOU NOT. I mean it would've been fine if they had stuck to the original Nutcracker suite which we were all looking forward to, because then we could just ignore the ballet and sit back to enjoy the music. BUT NO! They only used about 2 or 3 songs from the suite! FRUSTRATINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

WAIT WAIT WAIT BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN COME TO THE WORST PART YET.

THE WORST PART WAS..........................

.......................... THAT WE FREAKING PAID RM60 FOR THE SHOW.

@#(*F)!@*(*$)%*(*/)^*(U)*)#$*!((\)#&$&()*C#$**(*($*K)!@

*takes deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath*

Do you know how much we could've done with that RM60?! Seriously lor you ask me to go for free also I wouldn't want to go. It was even worse when Tracy said she watched the actual Russian ballet's version of The Nutcracker for RM10. :-/

Bloody shit.

I HATE LAH HATE HATE HATE. They effectively ruined my favourite ballet. I WANT MY MONEY BACK.

Au Revoir

Wow I can't believe Semester 5 commences tomorrow. I'm not going to be nostalgic and reminisce about how it was exactly 2 years ago that I stepped into IMU and how I went through orientation and blabla but damn, time really flew past just like that didn't it! Now we're into our final semester before we set foot into clinical school. It's scary, but there's this sudden excitement within me to get this started so I can get out of here in no time. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed (almost) every single moment in IMU, made wonderful friends (who I will miss like crazy once we're done), did fun things... but somehow I feel there's really nothing left for me here anymore. Just give it one BIG final push and I'm OFF.

Still... just thinking about the workload and schedules for the semester already sends shivers down my spine. =( For those who have yet to get worked up... let me scare you a bit la k. Hehe yes I am that evil.

• 8AM/4PM lectures, with CSU, PBL, MMS etc in between. 8AM! What is this!
• Revise CVS, Respi, Haemato, GI, Endocrine, Repro, Renal ON TOP OF learning new systems like MSK, CNS and Health Issues!
• Mock OSCE some time during CNS =P
• That IMS shit? But should we be alarmed? Don't care la...
• Partner Medical School matching! OMG I can't believe it's soon.
• NO CHRISTMAS.
• NO NEW YEAR'S.
• .......... EoS 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• .......... results?

- the end -

*heaves BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGG sigh*

OK la whatever. Bring it on. I'm ready. I think.

Anyway. On a happier note, I'm glad IMU was gracious enough to plan our Sem 4 holidays at this time of the year. Besides getting to watch the Olympics I was also able to meet up with some friends before they left to further their studies.

This is Jacqueline. We've known each other since we were in our respective mothers' wombs... so I can actually deduce that she is my longest friend? Hahaha. She is a prima ballerina with brains! She left for her beloved New York last week to attend Columbia University (Ivy League yo). I so proud got friend in Columbia. Hopefully I'll get to visit coz New York is one of the places I MUST GO BEFORE I DIE and I don't know when I will die so I have to go visit like real soon...

This is Sharmaine. She is also a long-time friend coz she used to be my neighbour. We used to cycle here cycle there... used to hang out at our 2nd home i.e. Ipoh Swimming Club almost every day of the week... swam together, learnt badminton together, learnt all sorts of other stuff together and QUIT HALFWAY together. Heeeh. We're quitters and proud of it. See at least we know a little of everything. She's a semester ahead of me in IMU... so she has finished Sem 5 and has just left the University of Liverpool... which... I think... I'd be happy if I were to be matched there. *PRAYS*

This is CHONG JIANG MUN. She is weird, funny, foul, rude, loud, disgusting, salivates like a beagle AND NOT REALIZE IT... but... she is still one of my bestest friends EVER. This girl may seem retarded but I'm proud to say she is one of the top students in her batch for law! Tsktsk*cough*stupidgeek. She will leave for the University of Reading real soon and I am going to miss her like how I miss my Ipoh hakka mee under the tree. The only difference is that I won't be seeing her for more than a year whereas I get to eat my hakka mee in one month's time during Raya break! SIGH. Jiang Mun you jaga diri ah... don't kena cheated again (you know what I mean. hint: water. 2nd hint: filter.). Love!